


I Wanna Let Go (I’m Tired)

by TheRoomWhereItHappened347



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Except there’s barely any comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I’m uploading this at 2 AM please forgive me, M/M, Most of the characters up there are mentioned, One-sided Bokuto Koutarou/Akaashi Keiji, Spelling mistakes cos I can’t spell the time skip teams, THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR THE TIMESKIP GAME, Unrequited Love, spoiler warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 08:01:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25347382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRoomWhereItHappened347/pseuds/TheRoomWhereItHappened347
Summary: It was just after the interview on November 17th when Akaashi asked Bokuto to be his best man.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Original Female Character, BokuAka, Bokuto Koutarou/Akaashi Keiji, Kageyama Tobio/Hinata Shoyou (implied), Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Miya Atsumu (implied), kuroken
Comments: 13
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 1) I churned this first chapter out in about 2 weeks, I’m proud of myself! 
> 
> 2) BokuAka is now my favourite ship (17/7/20), be prepared for more fics about them. It was this or IwaOi (but if you want an IwaOi version please leave a comment)
> 
> 3) I saw a comic on Instagram which inspired this, the idea has been in my mind ever since. The artist is _ktro on Instagram! 
> 
> 4) Please leave a kudos and comment! 
> 
> (I’m pretty sure I’ve spelt Bokuto’s first name wrong the whole time I’M SO SORRY) 
> 
> ONE MORE THING there are mild spoilers for any new chapters (I think from 380 idk when the time skip starts in the manga)

(Bokuto’s POV)

Thinking about it, Bokuto knew the second he saw Akaashi, he was screwed. 

The setter was ridiculously handsome -no wonder he got so many confessions- and smart. He understood Bokuto even when he was in one of his downswings and was incredibly patient when putting up with Bokuto’s antics. Akaashi’s sets had won them countless matches. All of this and more making Bokuto fall in love with his best friend.

It was a wonder why Akaashi hadn’t dated anyone when he was in Fukuroudani, but maybe that was because Akaashi said he would prefer to focus on his studies and volleyball?

During 2nd year he thought his feelings were a crush and would fade away over time, choosing to ignore them and focus on getting through nationals and winning them, saying once nationals were over he would deal with his crush. 

Then they won nationals, and seeing the normally composed setter screaming with the rest of Fukuroudani about their win made Bokuto fall in love with him even more, albeit he had no clue at the time.

After a long internal struggle over the break between 2nd and 3rd year, Bokuto finally admitted he was in love with his best friend and it wasn’t a crush, his immediate thought being ‘I can’t tell Akaashi’, for the pure fact that the setter was straight. 

Bokuto himself was gay, but he never gathered the courage to tell anyone aside from Kuroo, who was already dating Kenma at the time and had some experience in what to do. 

Bokuto felt his interest in Akaashi was obvious; how he stared at Akaashi a few seconds too long and initiated more skin-to-skin contact than what would be considered normal for ‘best friends’, however his crush -who everyone called one of the most observant people they had met- never picked it up.

Countless nights were spent either dreaming of a romantic relationship with Akaashi or being rejected by him if he confessed, both resulting in Bokuto’s heart throbbing in pain at the fact the former would never be a reality and the other would become a reality if he did confess. 

Calls with Kuroo were often spent wondering what to do with the situation, however Bokuto always came down to the same conclusion: leave the situation be.

(“Do you know his sexuality?”

“...yeah.”

“It is...?”

“Straight.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah oh shit.”

“You could still confess-”

“-and get rejected and have everything awkward between us? No thanks.”

“It’s still worth a shot.”

“Think of this like you and Kenma, with Kenma not having feelings for you. You would rather stay best friends than nothing at all, right?” 

“...right.”) 

Bokuto did contemplate (“Did I use that word right?”  
“Yes Bokuto-san, you did.”) confessing to the pretty setter at the end of his 3rd year after they came second in nationals, but decided against it, preferring to keep his relationship with the setter on good terms rather than losing one of his closest friends.

When Bokuto was accepted into the MSBY Black Jackals, he hoped his unrequited love for Akaashi would fade away to platonic love and the pain would go away, attempting to bury his feelings under constant practice and games. 

So when Akaashi called him at 10PM on a Saturday even though he had an exam week and Bokuto had a game the next day, Bokuto was curious to say the least.

“Aghaashiii! I didn’t expect you to call me now, what’s up?” He exclaimed energetically as he put the phone on speaker, chopping vegetables as he waited for Akaashi’s response. 

“I have something important to tell you Bokuto-san.” Was the normally composed Akaashi...nervous? 

“Oya? I wanna know!” 

“I...” A pause. “I have a girlfriend.” 

Bokuto almost chopped his finger off in shock, putting the knife down to absorb what he had been told as numbness spread through his entire body. 

Akaashi was dating someone? 

Wait, he still needed to respond-

“That’s amazing Ahgashee! Who’s the lucky girl? What’s she like? How long have you been with her for?” Forcing these questions out was torturous and every word made Bokuto’s heart beat in pain. 

After some pushing -‘keep up appearances Koutaro’- the past setter described his new girlfriend, his tone fond and full of admiration, Bokuto wishing Akaashi talked about him like that. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t, but Bokuto knew Akaashi would never speak about Bokuto in such a way.  
There’s always been a huge difference between platonic and romantic love. 

Akaashi would always talk about Koutaro in a platonic sense, whereas he would talk about this woman in a romantic sense and nothing would change that.

Her name was Kazuno Shiari and she and Akaashi met at college, with her working on the same project as him. 

She had similar interests to Akaashi and they’d been on a few dates to the library and coffee shops around the area their college was, with them dating for little over a month.

Suddenly, Bokuto wished he didn’t prod, wished he didn’t ask those painful questions, wished his stupid heart wanted to be with someone who was taken and would never return Bokuto’s feelings.

“So who else knows?” Bokuto fought to keep his voice steady, swallowing the lump in his throat and refusing to let tears run down his face and let his voice go all wobbly in a way that Akaashi would immediately recognise that he as upset-

“Right now you’re the first,” Akaashi replied. It pained Bokuto that he knew his best friend so well that he could feel Akaashi’s small, reserved smile through the phone. 

‘C’mon Koutarou, just a little bit longer’ he thought, keeping his breathing steady. How long had he been on the phone for? It felt like ages but was probably 10 minutes long, 20 minutes at most.

“Do you want anyone else to know?”

“Kenma will find out soon, so that means pain-in-the-ass-Kuroo-san will find out by default.” Bokuto choked out a laugh at that, knowing Akaashi was joking. 

“It was fun talking to ya ‘Kaashi, but I gotta get an early night, having a match tomorrow and all.”

“Ah, right, I’ll call soon Bokuto-san.”

“What did I tell you about dropping the -san, we’ve known each other since high school, you know you can call me something less formal,” Bokuto whined, hearing the other male’s soft laugh through the phone.

“Right, night Bokuto.” 

————————————————————————————

It was 11 PM on a Saturday night and Bokuto had never felt so lost before.

————————————————————————————

The next few years were busy, with Bokuto training and being put as a starter for games and Akaashi graduating from college -still with his girlfriend- and becoming a manga editor.

Bokuto had met Kazuno-san a few times, and Akaashi had chosen a good person, that was for sure. 

Kazuno was really pretty, with long brown hair and a dazzling smile; she had a brilliant sense of humour and was incredibly friendly. 

Bokuto left his first meeting with her and knew he wouldn’t have stood a chance, and at every meeting made sure his feelings didn’t show.

She got along with all of Akaashi’s friends, joking around with him and Kuroo and having quiet talks with Kenma and Tsukishima. She was perfect for Akaashi.

But Bokuto felt jealously rearing it’s ugly head out from his heart, it appearing every time Kazuno was able to hold hands with Akaashi, kiss him, anything intimate really, even if it happened when there were fewer people around. 

Every time it happened Bokuto wished he was in her place instead, wished he could kiss Akaashi, wished he could cuddle with him on cold winter nights and be closer to Akaashi in general. After all, there was only so much behaviour that could pass as being ‘best friends’.

A few weeks before the MSBY Black Jackals vs Schweiden Adlers match, Akaashi called Bokuto once again late at night, asking if Bokuto was free the following day, with Bokuto saying he had a free morning and saying they could meet at 9:30.

It was a small cafe a train ride away from where Bokuto lived, so getting there wasn’t too difficult and Bokuto arrived on time, saying hello to Akaashi before sitting down.

“So what’s up?” Bokuto asked as he sipped his orange juice. All his team members agreed that Bokuto and Hinata were banned from having caffeine after the net incident.

“Before I start, promise me you won’t tell anyone about this,” Akaashi started, prompting Bokuto to give a slightly exaggerated ‘I swear on my life I won’t tell anyone!’ before letting Akaashi continue.  
“I’m going to propose to Shiari.”

Bokuto felt as if someone had pulled a rug from under his feet. He wanted to leave, go home and hide under his sheets to understand the situation, but Bokuto could never get what he wanted, so he did what he did best: act as if nothing’s wrong and support Akaashi. 

“Oooooh, when are you planning to propose? Have you bought the ring?” Bokuto asked as he leaned forwards, demanding his heart rate to slow the hell down so he could initiate in a normal conversation. 

Well...there’s nothing normal about your long time crush saying he’s planning to propose to someone who isn’t you.

As Akaashi explained his plans for when he proposed to Kazuno, Bokuto could feel small pieces of his heart shatter at every detail. He wished he could be the one planning to propose to Akaashi instead of Akaashi planning it for someone else.

As Bokuto took another sip from his orange juice, he noticed how Akaashi was fidgeting with his fingers again, knowing it was Akaashi’s tell for nervousness.

“If you’re thinking she’ll reject you,” Bokuto set his drink on the table, “she won’t. There’s no freaking way she would reject someone as amazing as you!” 

“But what if she does?” 

“She won’t Akaashi, you’ve been dating for 6 years and you two already act like you’re married. I sure as hell wouldn’t reject you if you asked me,” both of them laughed at that (even if Bokuto’s was more fake than real) but all of Bokuto’s words were true and came from the heart. 

———————————————————————————— 

It was 8 AM on a Tuesday morning when Akaashi called and confirmed that he was engaged.

————————————————————————————

Slam! Bokuto called for another one.

Slam! Bokuto called for another one.

Slam! Bokuto was about to call for another one when-

“Bo-kun, what’s with you being extra intense today?” Atsumu asked as he set down a water bottle.

“Yeah, you haven’t been this intense since the net incident,” Hinata added, all of them shivering when they remembered it.

“It’s nothing, I’ve just got a lot of energy to burn off!” He wasn’t sure if he would have the strength to go to the wedding. 

“Well then save that energy for the match tomorrow!” Their coach called out, afterwards ordering them to do receives. 

Would he be able to sit there and watch Akaashi get married to someone who wasn’t him? Would he be able to watch Akaashi have a family of his own? Would he be okay with the fact that Akaashi would be permanently out of reach?

No, these were selfish thoughts.

He would have to deal with reality, even if it wasn’t one he would like. 

Yes he would have to put up with the fact that Akaashi would be with someone else.  
Yes he would deal with the fact Akaashi would have a family that wasn’t with him.  
Yes he would have to be okay with the fact that Akaashi would be out of his (romantic) reach, but they would still be best friends. He shouldn’t be crying over all this.

They’d had celebratory drinks to celebrate Akaashi’s engagement, with Kuroo checking in with Bokuto once they left the bar, making sure Bokuto had someone to vent to or cry on when reality was throwing too fast volleyballs that he couldn’t receive.

The MSBY Black Jackals vs Schweiden Adlers match was a sight to behold for all volleyball fans, everyone giving their all to win.

With Akaashi watching him, Bokuto felt unstoppable (even with his romantic troubles) deciding to dedicate every serve or spike to Akaashi, feeling amazing when the winning point was his spike.

The post-match interview went well, feeling comfortable answering questions from Udai and Akaashi. 

————————————————————————————

It was just after the interview on November 17th when Akaashi asked Bokuto to be his best man.

————————————————————————————

“So...’Kaashi asked me something after the interview.” Bokuto gazed at the table before meeting Kuroo’s stare.

“What did he ask?” The other man replied evenly.

“He asked me to be his best man,” Bokuto sucked in a breath as he willed himself not to cry, watching as Kuroo’s shoulders sank and he made his way around the table to be closer to Bokuto. 

“Your reply?” Bokuto broke the eye contact to stare at the table again.

“Yes.” 

“Bo...” 

“It hurts so freaking much y’know, watching them be together. Watching her be able to do all the things I want to. And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for Akaashi, but it hurts. Is it selfish wanting him even though I know I can’t get closer than being his best friend?” Tear drops were on the marble surface. Bokuto wondered when they had gotten there.

“Bo, you’ve been so strong over the past few years, and you haven’t been anything close to selfish, if anything you’ve been selfless. You’ve constantly supported Akaashi and helped him!” 

And if Bokuto and Kuroo spent the night watching Pixar movies with a box of tissues beside Bokuto, no one needed to know.

————————————————————————————

The venue was beautiful, with sakura trees everywhere and petals being carried by the fresh spring breeze. It was sunny with barely any clouds out and the day couldn’t be any more perfect for Akaashi’s wedding.

Waiting outside of the wedding hall, Bokuto shifted his collar again, hating how tight it was. As soon as it was socially acceptable he was loosening this stupid collar and tie.

Shifting his gaze over to the groom, he noticed Akaashi was fidgeting again.

“‘Kaashi, you know nothing’s gonna go wrong,” Bokuto walked towards his soon-to-be-married best friend, trying to calm him down. 

“But what if I forget my vows? What if I stutter?”  
Bokuto thought Akaashi was fretting too much.

“Akaashi,” Bokuto placed his hands firmly on his best friend’s shoulders, “deep breaths.”  
He synced up their breathing so the past setter would calm down. “You won’t forget your vows, and if you stutter it’s fine, after all it’s one of the biggest days of your life! You’ll feel powerful emotions!” 

Akaashi released a breath.

“Thank you Koutaro.” 

Bokuto’s breath caught in his throat.

“A-ah, well, I better go in now. You’ll be fine Keiji!” He gave the groom a smile, it widening when he received one in return. 

Walking down the aisle with the maid-of-honour, he noticed Kuroo and Kenma in the front row, almost letting his jaw drop at the fact Kuroo’s bed hair was tamed. 

There were a ton of people at the reception; the families of the bride and groom, all of Fukuroudani and Nekoma had come, Sakusa, Atsumu, Hinata, Kageyama, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi and Udai.  
There were many friends of the bride who Bokuto hadn’t met, so he needed to mentally prepare himself for that as well. 

‘This could be considered torture,’ he thought gloomily, careful to keep his expression happy. Yeah, standing at the altar about to watch his unrequited love get married, planning to stay at the reception until most of the people left. He was grateful there was no practice tomorrow, he wouldn’t be able to make it with the state he would be in. 

Akaashi walked down the aisle next, with a pristine suit and hair styled perfectly, looking nervous and excited at the same time, waiting for his bride to walk down the aisle. 

Kami did Bokuto wish he was in Kazuno’s place, waiting to get married to the one he loved. 

He did well during the ceremony, cheering and clapping when Keiji and Shiari kissed even though all he wanted to do was walk out and cry. 

Sitting down next to Kuroo and Akaashi’s father, Bokuto mentally prepared himself for the best man’s speech, waiting for Akaashi’s dad to pass him the microphone. 

“...and now the best man’s speech!” He was handed the microphone and stood up.

“Hi everyone, I’m Bokuto Koutaro and Akaashi’s best man for the wedding! A lot of you will remember me as Fukuroudani’s owl-headed ace,” that got a few chuckles from the volleyball teams which set Bokuto off on his speech, thanking the stars that he said nothing wrong and he sat down with people clapping. 

The rest of the speeches took up an hour, with food being served at the end and everyone chatting happily away. 

Bokuto acted as he was expected to: he talked about what happened in training, the craziest things that happened at his (lonely) apartment, deflecting questions towards someone else when they asked about his love life. 

It was pleasant and stressful all at once, but it was worth it to see Akaashi happy.

————————————————————————————

Watching the newlyweds glide across the dance floor with love in their eyes hurt Bokuto more than he expected, or maybe it was knowing Akaashi was no longer in his reach. 

Either way, it sucked and he wanted to drown his sorrows in alcohol and wake up the next day with a pounding headache and no memory of what happened in the night, key word being ‘wanted’, because he couldn’t ruin Akaashi’s special night. 

He limited himself to 3 drinks under the excuse he had to walk himself home. 

Once the couples’ dance had finished, everyone else flooded onto the dance floor and had a good time, Bokuto forcing himself to go to ‘keep up appearances’ once again. 

In a way it wasn’t bad, because he got to see Konoha’s attempt at dancing and laughed along with the rest of Fukuroudani whilst Konoha mock-glared at them, laughing afterwards. 

Staring down at his champagne glass, Bokuto found himself thinking about how most of the people here were dating, engaged or married, and Bokuto was one of the few single people around even though he knew he had several people who would be willing to date him, but none of them were Keiji.

“Koutarou,” looking up, he saw Kuroo beckoning him over, the guy’s bed hair messy again. Bokuto did wonder how he’d managed to tame it for the ceremony.

“What’s up?” Bokuto asked.

“I’m walking Kenma back to the hotel, he’s got an early morning meeting. I’ll text you when I’m coming back.”  
Kuroo had been adamant on walking Bokuto back to the hotel, knowing how painful the wedding would be for Bokuto.

“Okay.” Bokuto gave Kuroo a tired grin before one of Kazuno’s friends called out, inviting him towards the group they were in. 

They made small talk for a while, Bokuto faking happiness because these people didn’t know his tells, didn’t know how well he could hide his sadness when he wanted to, didn’t know him as well as Akaashi did. 

“So, you must be happy for Akaashi, being his best friend and all.” Bokuto didn’t know who said it, and he knew they meant it in a good way, but he felt his heart crack again.

“Ah,” he cleared his throat as he looked over to where Akaashi and Kazuno were, Keiji with his soft smile, “yeah, I’m very happy for them.” Excusing himself, he downed his glass and got his last refill before going outside for some fresh air. 

Leaning against one of the sakura trees, he took a few deep breaths to calm down and stop tears from trickling down his cheeks. Kami did he want to leave, to go cry in the safety of his apartment, but he couldn’t. Not without drawing suspicion. 

He was Bokuto Koutarou, the life of the party and one of the most energetic volleyball players a person could meet.  
He was Bokuto Koutarou, someone who’s main emotion was happiness and who would chase after whatever he wanted should he be passionate enough about it.  
He was Bokuto Koutarou...a man who was still hopelessly in love with married man Akaashi Keiji. 

“Bokuto,” someone called out, startling him out of his depressing thoughts.

“Ah! Oh, it’s just you ‘Kaashi,” Bokuto laughed quietly before his heart ached. “How come you’re out here?” 

“I wondered where you had gone.” 

“I just left to get some air, it was getting kinda stuffy.” A half truth. “So how do you feel now, being married and all?” 

“It...” Akaashi stopped in thought, the sight being angelic to Bokuto, “it doesn’t feel too different. It’s the government confirming our relationship.” 

“But it’s a hugeeee step up from dating isn’t it!” Bokuto just wanted to leave this conversation, his heart was beating too fast again.

“I guess so,” Akaashi murmured. “Thank you Koutarou.” Bokuto’s heart stopped for a second. 

“Eh, why?” 

“For always being there, supporting me, giving me great advice and calming me down when necessary. For being the best friend I could ask for.” Akaashi had another small smile that could melt Bokuto’s heart, but instead it broke it.

Bokuto had wanted to confess to Akaashi for so many years by now, but deep down he knew it was over the second Akaashi confirmed himself as straight.  
He wanted to be in Kazuno’s place, to have Akaashi look at him with romantic love, not platonic love.  
He could confess right now, he could get it off his chest and move on, but he didn’t. He would lose his best friend to the awkwardness of it, so he kept silent. 

“Jeez Keiji,” Bokuto wiped the beginning of tears from his eyes, “I don’t wanna cry because you’ve said nice things.” He laughed slightly.

“I mean it Koutarou,” he was embraced in a hug, “thank you.” 

Bokuto didn’t say anything, deciding to live in the moment and hug his best friend back despite the numbness in his chest. 

————————————————————————————

The rest of the night went by quickly with Bokuto catching up with the rest of Nekoma and Fukuroudani over drinks, letting out a few stories about training in return for some funny stories at the others’ workplaces. 

It was past 2 AM when most of the guests had left, Kuroo having returned, with close friends and family being the only ones left.

“I think I’m going to go back to the hotel now,” Bokuto stifled a yawn, saying his goodbyes and giving out hugs for those who would accept them. 

Walking down the street with flickering streetlights guiding the way, Bokuto felt waves of sadness slowly ebb towards him until they became overwhelming.

It had been 12 hours since his unrequited love got married and Bokuto had never felt a pain as agonising as this before, stopping to try and take some breaths so it would go away. 

He didn’t hear a confused Kuroo call out to him, he didn’t hear Kuroo’s approach, didn’t see his tired expression. He only felt the harsh stinging in his eyes, his heart crying out with every beat, how harsh every choked out whimper sounded.

“Oh, Bo...” He felt Kuroo hug him and broke, whimpers becoming silent as he sobbed into his friend’s jacket. 

“I wish I didn’t fall in love with him, I wish it was just a 4 month crush,” Bokuto whimpered, “then I would be able to move on.” 

“Let’s get you back to the hotel.” 

————————————————————————————

It was 2:30 AM on a Saturday night when Bokuto let himself cry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) So I got this idea while I was writing the first chapter and thought why not. 
> 
> 2) HOLY CRAP THIS FIC GOT SO MUCH ATTENTION IN 24 HOURS IDK WHAT TO SAY THANK YOUUUUU!!!
> 
> 3) There are minor spoilers for chapter 402 (the spoilers were on Instagram). It’s a mention of 2 people’s jobs but there’ll be a warning.
> 
> 4) Leave a comment and kudos! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the fanfic!

(Kuroo’s POV)

There were days when Kuroo wondered what went through Bokuto’s head. What were his thoughts like? Were they centred around volleyball or what his next meal would be? 

Either way, Kuroo didn’t know anyone who would do so much to help someone else be happy at their own expense. 

From their third year, Kuroo had known about the predicament his best friend was in and initially suggested that Bokuto told Akaashi his feelings, but that idea got shut down quickly.

Years went by with Bokuto silently suffering, some nights it showing by how he looked at Akaashi and other nights spent quietly crying on Kuroo’s shoulder, no one else finding out the ace’s crush besides Kuroo. 

Why didn’t Kuroo tell Bokuto to give Akaashi up? Because Kuroo knew once Bokuto loved something he wouldn’t give it up.

Sometimes it felt like a blessing, other times it was a curse.  
Knowing about his friend’s suffering occasionally let Kuroo get an idea of what was going on inside Bokuto’s head and be able to help, but it mostly made Kuroo sad that his best friend was dealing with the knowledge that nothing could be changed. 

Then Akaashi got a girlfriend.

The second Kuroo found out from Kenma, he wanted to call Bokuto to see how he was dealing with the news considering there was a good chance Bokuto was the first person Akaashi told, but couldn’t at the time due to Bokuto being at practice.

The first meeting with Kazuno went well, Akaashi having picked a good girlfriend. She had the looks, humour and consideration for all of Akaashi’s friends, so they all got along well (Kuroo did wonder how Bokuto felt after any encounter with Kazuno, he really did). 

A few years after Kuroo had first met Kazuno, he was invited out for drinks to celebrate Akaashi and Kazuno’s engagement. 

“So when did you propose?” Kuroo implored before sipping his beer.

“About a week ago,” Akaashi smiled softly.

Kuroo forced himself not to wince as he looked at Bokuto’s eyes, seeing the flash of pain before it disappeared in a millisecond.

The rest of the night went quickly, Bokuto leaving slightly earlier than the rest due to having practice the next day and Kuroo excusing himself because of work. It was a truthful excuse, but he did want to check on Bokuto before he left. 

“Bo...” Kuroo hesitated when Bokuto turned around, not completely sure what he was going to say. “Just know I’m always here if you wanna talk, okay?” 

Kuroo repressed the urge to flinch when Bokuto looked at him with tired eyes, not used to seeing such a sight.

“Thanks Testubro, but I’ll be fine,” was the reply he received, but Kuroo called bullshit. He’s known Bokuto since he was a first year at Nekoma, he wasn’t going to be ‘fine’.

————————————————————————————

It was a few hours after the MSBY Black Jackals vs Schweiden Adlers match when Kuroo received a call from Bokuto asking him to come over to the ace’s apartment.

————————————————————————————

“So...’Kaashi asked me something after the interview.” Bokuto gazed at the table before meeting Kuroo’s stare. Kuroo hated how his best friend’s shoulders were slumped, how is aura screamed defeated despite the fact the ace had won a difficult match a few hours earlier.

Kuroo had an idea of what Akaashi had asked Bokuto, praying he was wrong and that Bokuto’s level of suffering hadn’t increased by 100 times.

“What did he ask?” Kuroo replied, fighting to keep his voice even, wanting his hunch to be wrong.

“He asked me to be his best man,” Bokuto sucked in a breath, more than likely trying not to cry. Kuroo’s shoulders sank in defeat before he made his way around the kitchen table to comfort his friend. 

“Your reply?” Kuroo asked as Bokuto broke their eye contact in favour of looking at the table.

“Yes.” 

“Bo...” Kuroo would never have an idea of how Bokuto felt, but he could imagine it being excruciatingly painful considering Bokuto was able to hide it so well from anyone else.

“It hurts so freaking much y’know, watching them be together. Watching her be able to do all the things I want to. And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for Akaashi, but it hurts. Is it selfish wanting him even though I know I can’t get closer than being his best friend?” 

Kuroo’s heart ached at the tears his best friend was shedding, wishing he could alleviate some of the pain.

“Bo, you’ve been so strong over the past few years, and you haven’t been anything close to selfish, if anything you’ve been selfless. You’ve constantly supported Akaashi and helped him!” 

And if Kuroo kept a closer eye on Bokuto after the movie night because he was worried his best friend might become depressed, no one else needed to know.

————————————————————————————

Looking at Bokuto standing beside the altar where Akaashi and Kazuno were reciting their vows, Kuroo wondered how his friend was feeling. Did he want to leave? Did he want to cry? Kuroo would never know. 

It was a nice wedding, sakura petals being sprinkled around as they made their way to where the guests would eat as he chatted with Yaku, but the memory was spoiled by Kuroo’s constant worry over Bokuto (not that he felt bad about worrying).

“...and now the best man’s speech!” Kuroo wondered how Bokuto felt writing this even though he knew all the words Bokuto said were genuine.

Kuroo gave his own speech, ending it by wishing Akaashi and his wife good luck for the future, but Kuroo did wonder if Akaashi would ever find out about Bokuto’s feelings for him. 

————————————————————————————

Kuroo did enjoy his time at the wedding, catching up with a few people from Nekoma whilst they ate and dancing with Kenma (he should propose soon), laughing when he saw Konoha’s attempt at dancing.  
“For someone who was good at all the aspects in volleyball,” Kuroo mused, “Konoha can’t dance for his life.”

“Yeah, but the same goes for your hair,” Kenma snickered. “I was surprised you managed to control it enough for the ceremony.”

“Excuse me!” Kuroo gasped in mock offence. “That only took me an hour to do, that should be some world record.” 

(CHAPTER 402 SPOILER)

They talked about what they thought of Lev’s new job  
(“You expected him to be a model?”  
“Well yeah, his sister became one and he looked like he would become one as well.”) 

(END OF SPOILER)

before Kenma muttered something about a meeting, prompting Kuroo to call Bokuto over and tell him they were leaving, but Kuroo would return later. 

Kenma said goodbye to Akaashi and Kazuno before they left for the hotel in a comfortable silence. 

————————————————————————————

It was past 1 AM when Kuroo returned to the wedding, noticing a few guests were leaving when he entered the building. He decided to ignore the alcohol on the stand and socialise with some of Akaashi’s family, not wanting to have a headache in the morning. 

In his peripheral vision, Kuroo noticed Bokuto and Akaashi slip in from the doors that lead to the gardens, but decided not to ask Bokuto about it, knowing it would be something private.

Bokuto seemed okay as he told stories about training with his team  
(“What about the net incident?” Yaku asked, causing Bokuto to flinch.  
“We...we don’t talk about that,” Bokuto gave a weak shudder. “Meian would kill me if I did.”)

It was past 2 AM when he and Bokuto left for the hotel, both of them tired. Kuroo was about to mention something about the food when he realised Bokuto had stopped walking.

“Bo? You good?” Kuroo asked, turning around to face his best friend when he realised Bokuto had tears dripping down his face as he let out whimpers, each one being cut off quickly. 

Face falling, Kuroo made his way back to Bokuto before embracing him, his heart cracking every time his best friend let out a shudder as his sobs went silent.

“I wish I didn’t fall in love with him, I wish it was a 4 month crush,” Bokuto whimpered into Kuroo’s jacket. “Then I would be able to move on.” 

Kuroo’s heart ached for the ace. 

“Let’s get you back to the hotel.”


End file.
